As i sit, i reach for my earphones and wondering what to play, a voice within screams please play me play me, i smile and before i know it am singing along with my horse voice,
“A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it’s left me blind”
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
I was left in a trance as the lyrics escaped my lips. Its never really about the ballads with Florence, its what she makes me feel. One moment am smiling, next am teary and before i know it am lost in this world where i’m fighting my demons.
Why do i keep going back because this feels like an abusive relationship, one minute you happy the next 30 your a wreck, as in seriously why Walter Why??. I just cant, just can’t give up because at the end of the day dealing with these demons is the only way i come be a victor.
Am tired of being that little terrified child coiled up in a corner wondering whether daddy will throw an insult or will it be the cries of mums broken heart that will play. Am haunted by the horrors of my past, scared of the unknown future. I look at the present give thanks to God because am better person. This world is not my home am only passing through. As much as i believe that, sometimes my theories just cast doubt, i look at the Heavens and try to leave my mess to Him but feels like a force is pulling me beneath trying to shatter my faith. I will do my best i promise, for Jesus is my shepherd. Get on my knees, pray to the Almighty, tears flow not cause of the pain but rather the weight lifted off.
Sometimes i feel like a freak of nature because i used to shut off my emotions, hardly cared about anyone but myself. It sucks i hated myself, had a low self esteem but i guess i just had to go through that faze in order to be a better being.
So why the obsession with Florence, well its cause as much as i wouldn’t want to face my past, my current and the future i have to, because i get to learn from each passing moment, mold myself into a person i would be proud of. So Yaay!! i will always be thankful to that friend who introduced me to Florence and the machine not knowing how much i needed healing. 🙂