Whirls of a confused soul

Standard

Who ever told you that we have absolute freedom lied, We don’t. We never chose to be born, we never chose our families, it just happened without our consent.

As I try to reflect back on this amazing opportunity I just missed out, I wonder if I missed it because I wasn’t good enough or my race or if it wasn’t meant to be. Am angry at myself wishing I had done better, but as I replay the scenes in my head there is nothing more I would have done.

Life sucks, everything around me feels like its crumbling. Trying to hold onto the little sanity, but that feels like its fading. I stare at these plain walls, wishing they could talk to me, but all I get is the sweet sound of silence which rather stinks at the moment. I keep hearing voices of my other self laughing at me. Lost in this world I call home, frightened that everything I touch just falls to waste soon or later.

Who am I, honestly, I don’t even know the answer to that question. I have redefined myself several times that I can’t seem to figure it out anymore. Though one thing is for certain, am a child of God. I know when we hit walls along the way we tend to get mad at God for several reasons like He didn’t answer my prayers or that I sowed but He didn’t let it reap.

No, am not even close to being mad because without him several things would be wrong in my life, just because he hasn’t delivered on the several things we have asked for doesn’t mean that he hasn’t been there for us on other occasions. We may be broken, but he will fix us, we may be sinners, but he will make us better children, we may not always get what we pray for but he’s a patient God. Let’s give everything time.